Preparing for Temptation

Temptations are around us all the time. Luckily temptation isn't sin, rather, we have a choice to make in how we deal with that temptation. Jesus himself was tempted three times at one of the times he would have been the weakest (Luke 4:1-13). "He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them he was hungry."

I've heard this passage many times but as I read through it yesterday and lead a bible study discussion on it today, several things popped out.

It is important to learn and memorize God's word.
In verses 9-11, Satan quotes scripture to tempt Jesus to throw himself from the temples. Satan knows scripture and he will twist it to tempt us. If we don't really know God's word, it will be much easier for us to fall into Satan's trap.

Furthermore, each time Jesus was tempted, he responded with scripture (verses 4, 8 and 12). "For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart (Hebrews 4:12)."

Even when things are going well, we should be prepared for Satan's attack.
In verse 13 it says, "When the devil had finished all this tempting, he left him until an opportune time." Jesus passed the test. But the verse doesn't say that Satan left for good. Indeed, although I don't recall any specific instances the bible specifically states he was further tempted, I imagine there were many other temptations. In Luke 22:42 Jesus prays, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." There again was a choice to do God's will and go to the cross or to sin and disobey. We too should be prepared for that "opportune time."

We should always wear God's full armor (Ephesians 6:10-18). And again, we should memorize God's word. "Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." Without God's word, we have no weapon to fight temptation. 

"All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work (2 Timothy 3:16-17)."

There is a way of escape.

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so you can endure it (1 Corinthians 10:13)."

I have personally found that when I am spending time reading God's word and praying, I am much more well equipped to stand firm when temptation comes my way. Unfortunately, I know all too well how quickly I am to fall when I am not spending time in God's word and in prayer like I should. One of my favorite church sign quotes reads, "Seven days without prayer makes one weak;" it is so true. This is an area of my life that I know I have much room for improvement.

Sharing Jesus Without Fear

"My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power." 1 Corinthians 2:4-5

This verse was my go-to verse before a "fishing trip" in college. I wouldn't hesitate to call myself socially awkward. When I am talking to people I don't know, I tend to stumble over my words. I don't know what to say. Carrying a conversation with a new person just, unfortunately, isn't one of my strong suits. But 1 Corinthians would remind me that it wasn't by my own power I would be speaking, it was the Holy Spirit who would be speaking through me. It has been a while since I was in college and we made these semi-regular trips to "tailgate city" to share the gospel. During those trips we were using tracts and a technique we had learned through Way of the Master / Living Waters. The tracts not only contained the gospel message, but were presented in a creative way that allowed us to walk up to strangers and start a conversation. My personal favorite was the "Survey Pad," which had a series of trick questions to break the ice, before moving on into more serious questions like "How does a person get to heaven?"

Even after those trips, I wouldn't say it really got "less scary." At the beginning of 2015, I participated in an exercise in which event participants wrote down things they wanted to leave behind from 2014 and then toss them in the fire. I have a lot of bad habits, but I chose one word to write down: Fear. Oddly enough, not long before that, I purchased a bible study from Lifeway, Share Jesus Without Fear. Unlike the previous study "Praying With Paul," our small interdenominational group chose to simply read through this study because of its layout.Share Jesus Without Fear was organized as a four-week study with each week broken into five days. With two hours, once per week, we managed to complete the study in about six weeks. Here are some of the things that stuck out to me:

• Not sharing my faith is a sin; it is disobedience. (Sin of Silence)
• Because sharing the gospel is a partnership with God and it is the Holy Spirit who will change hearts, I can't fail if I simply obey and share our faith. If the message is rejected, the person isn't rejecting me.
• Even Moses made excuses; many of which are similar to an excuse we might give today. But he followed through. (Ex. 3:11-12,13-17; 4:1-9,10-12,13)
• Remember to always Say something, Ask questions, Listen, and Turn the conversation (SALT).
• There are ways to share the gospel, through questions, that make the person feel more at ease. Don't argue with the person, simply listen. The study presents five questions to help open the conversation.
• Mark a small bible with seven bible verses (provided) and ask the person to read each of them aloud; ask them what it means to them after each.
• Close with key questions, offering the person a chance to respond to the gospel.
• If I need a "cheat sheet," it is OK. I don't have to know everything and the person may appreciate the fact I am a normal person, not a bible scholar.

The study closes with a list of 36 possible negative responses a person might have and some responses. Many times a simple "Why," is the response. Other times, more detailed answers are provided. I must say there are a few I don't agree with.

Maybe it is my semi-sarcastic nature, but if I were not a Christian and when I said I was not ready to make a decision the person told me something like, "OK, drive carefully," or "Have a nice day," and then walked away, I'm not sure I would take that positively. I think I would lean more in the direction of some of the previous responses and encourage them to think about our discussion and let them know I would love to talk to them again and at least leave my contact information.

So now I have to ask myself, what am I afraid of? " What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31). When we started the study, my two responses were a fear of not knowing what to say, and not knowing how to start/hold a conversation (and social awkwardness in general). Now, I think the latter is my primary fear. In college, I found the gospel tracts from Living Waters helpful. The two methods in sharing the gospel are slightly different -- I could see a way to combine the tracts from Living Waters with the approach presented in Sharing Jesus Without Fear.

What are your biggest fears in sharing the gospel? What holds you back? How have you overcome these fears? I would love to hear from you; feel free to leave a comment.

Out with 2014 and in with 2015

Please bare with me. This post may be quite lengthy. By the time I get home in the evenings, I tell myself it is too late to make a blog post. As I begin writing this post, it is 10:45 p.m. I won't finish tonight!

Reflections of 2014
I wanted to start with reflecting on years past, especially 2014. I've tried making resolutions just the opposite of what I really mean in order to motivate myself. "This year, I will gain 20 pounds." Since I don't usually meet the resolutions, maybe I wouldn't meet those. And if I did, I could at least say I finally kept one! But in 2014, things were a little different. I didn't really make a resolution at the beginning. After all, why wait until the beginning of a year to make positive changes? Resolutions can be made at any time of the year, not just January 1.

I knew I wanted to take more photos, improve spiritually and lose some weight. January and February weren't off to a great start for any of them. In mid to late January, I went through somewhat of a dark time, which I didn't really tell anyone about. It was a time of doubt and questioning everything I believed. I went through something like that while I was in college as well, but it wasn't like this time. I found myself sinking into a degree of depression I hadn't experienced since I came to know Christ, as I questioned whether God really existed. How did I know he was the true God? How did I know that Christianity was right and not Buddhism, Islam, Hinduism, Wicca, etc.? I feared what was to come next. I don't remember the order exactly, but my grandfather passed away March 1, 2014.

In late February or early march I began showing some signs of the flu and had a 103 degree fever. It was a Friday so all I could do was curl up in bed and take tylenol to lower the temperature. Monday evening I went to the doctor -- feeling much better and with only a low grade fever. It turns out it was merely a sinus infection. But something else came out of the doctor visit. The  nurse asked me if my blood pressure was normally that high. I don't remember what it was exactly but it was definitely higher than the last time I had taken it. When I got home and my family asked the diagnosis I told them, "I am officially on a diet now." I did not want to be put on blood pressure medicine at age 25.

Almost a year later, things have gotten a lot better. All of those other religions, including atheism, offer no hope. And I thought back to the life of Jesus and the empty tomb he left behind. If he weren't who he said he was, how did his body disappear from a guarded tomb? Why were there so many witnesses to him walking around before ascending to heaven? Why do so many people still believe today? And if Jesus is who he said, then that is the proof of God and his promises.

In August, I was finally hired at Heifer after a little more than two years as a temporary worker. God answered a prayer. After finally becoming an employee, I was able to get an apartment of my own. I weighed the pros and cons of moving to Little Rock and settled on staying in Sheridan for the time being which lead me to join First Baptist Church which I had been attending for about six months.

In October, I started what we are calling "Central Arkansas Young Adults Bible Study" in Little Rock. We are trying to emulate a group we were a part of in college in which we studied the bible, witnessed and provided each other with accountability. The new bible study group has put me in a place of leadership once more and I have felt God moving in my life through both my church and the bible study.

Faith has also been an important part in losing weight, which I must admit I haven't had the right focus lately and have fallen back into old ways of going back for seconds, eating sweets, etc. I did my best at losing the weight when I focused it on glorifying God. I took encouragement in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, "19 Or do you not know that your body is a [a]temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from [b]God, and that you are not your own? 20 For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body." The verse isn't talking about weight but I think it is still applicable, and realizing that my body is a temple for the Holy Spirit means I should take care of it -- whether it be exercising, what I eat or what I do.

Looking Forward to 2015
I made excuses about writing this blog for five days now. Oddly enough, one of the things I want to challenge myself to write at least one post every couple of weeks in 2015 on whatever topics come to mind. They may be life lessons or completely random writing prompts I find online. But I want to write more. Not only that, I want to do things I love doing more -- hiking, camping, geocaching, photography, spending time with friends.

I actually spent my first day of the new year at Pinnacle Mountain State Park. And then Sunday, I went back for another guided hike "off the beaten path."

After the #FirstDayHikes, we returned to the pavilion for hot chocolate and a campfire. The ranger had pieces of paper for each participant to write down something from 2014 they wanted to leave behind in the new year. I thought about it and some of the ways God had been moving in my life. I wrote one word on the piece of paper: Fear.

In 2014, I was asked to help at the Fall Carnival at church. There were clipboards going around to sign up for different posts. The one I was going to sign up for never came to me, but the parking attendant came to me three times so I finally signed up. I had no clue what I was doing and was nervous up until the night of the event. I had signed up for a two hour shift and ended up arriving early and leaving late. And nothing went wrong -- no cars had a wreck because of me. God was in control. A few weeks later there was an incident at the gas station which I wrote a note about on Facebook. Fear took over and I didn't do or say what I had wanted. Finally, I received a letter that I was to serve as an usher at church for January and October 2015. Again, I had never done this, don't like getting up in front of people, but knew that it was important and there was a reason God had me there. The first Sunday a rolled around and went just fine. In 2015, I want to be fearless. God began showing me the conflict between faith and fear. I want to have more faith. I want to trust him more.

Prayer is another aspect I want to work on in 2015. I strongly believe in the power of prayer, but so often I fail at actually praying. If I pray in bed, I fall asleep. If I pray at my desk, my mind wanders off to other...squirrel! You see? So most of the time I just fail to pray all together. I have started 2015 with a devotional on prayer and we are beginning an eight week study, "Praying with Paul" in the bible study group. I led the first session yesterday and a couple of things stood out. I think my three biggest take aways were to be intentional/schedule time for prayer, use a prayer list/journal and don't be afraid to ask others for prayer. 

I need prayer that I would get up early in the mornings to pray. I am NOT a morning person. Waking up at 6 a.m., Monday through Friday, to be out the door by 6:30 a.m. and to work by 7:30 a.m. is difficult enough. Now I am attempting to wake up by 5:45 a.m. to allow at least 15 minutes of time with God before I begin my day. If I do not get up by 5:50 a.m. (or at least consciously choose to turn the alarm off), I have to solve 10 difficult math problems to snooze the alarm or one difficult math problem to turn it off. Again, I am not a morning person and do not want to do math problems that early. Hopefully it works! And eventually, I would like to move it back to 5:30 a.m. and maybe 5 a.m. I'm just not sure how I will function on an average of 5-6 hours of sleep per night.

And finally, I want to continue trying to eat healthier, exercise and reach a healthy weight range in 2015. I lost about 40 pounds in 2014 and if I can do the same in 2015 I will meet my goal. I currently need to lose about 35 pounds to reach the upper limit of my target range.

Only seven days into 2015 and it has already been a year of firsts. I hope it will continue to be so and continue to bring improvements.

Happy New Year everyone!

Panhandlers

The Shell station on the corner of 9th street and I-30 access road in downtown Little Rock is not one of my favorite places to stop at night but I had to use the bathroom and knew if I didn't stop for gas there I would likely be walking several miles to the nearest gas station. I looked around and pulled up to a pump; everything seemed to be clear this time so I get out, lock my door and go inside to the restroom. Before going back outside, I stop at the register and pay for $14 in gas, all of the cash I had on me. This was on purpose, remembering the last time I stopped at the gas station. 

"Nice jacket, can I have it?" a man asks me as he approaches me next to my car. In my head: "Is he serious? You know, it is cold out here, maybe he does need it." It wasn't long before he said, "just kidding." Did my surprise show on my face? Regardless, he continued talking to me. "I'm from Missouri and I don't have any place to go. The Mission only lets you stay one night. I tried to steal some vienna sausages earlier but I got caught. Can you spare any change, even a dime would help." In my mind: "There are multiple shelters in Little Rock and I don't think that any of them have a one-night policy. And if you were caught trying to steal, how are you standing here?" What I said, "I just spent my last cash to buy gas. Let me finish pumping and I will go inside and buy you something to eat." I place the nozzle in my tank and begin (or think I begin) pumping gas and notice by this time a second person is standing five or six feet behind me. At this point, I have become nervous. The first guy continues, "Thats. OK, I am meeting a friend and hes got some KFC for us..." I realize I haven't flipped the gas pump on and say, "I guess this works better when you turn it on," I say to the two of them with a slight laugh. The second guy agrees. The first continues, "But you could buy me a pack of Marlbro cigarettes. I could sell them for 50 cents a piece and make a little bit of money."

"I'm not going to buy the cigarettes," I tell him. "I'll buy you something to eat but no cigarettes. The first man continues to try and convince me, but I'm not giving in on it. Again in my mind: "What if I did buy these for him and he sells them to a minor? Plus, you probably have to have a license to sell cigarettes and thats just going to get you in more trouble." The second guy starts talking and telling me how he had been in prison and liked it there becasue all the white people kept their distance. "All I had to do is show them this," he said as he pulled the front of his shirt up to reveal a scar. 

It is eventually the second man who takes me up on the food and he begins to explain that he wants one of the hot jack links sausages being very specific. "You might want to come in with me," I tell him. He sends the first person in with me who wasn't much help in choosing the correct one and then he picks up a bag of chips for himself. At the register he begins pointing to the newspaper and talking to me again as I try to run my credit card completely blocking out the cashier who was apparently asking, "debit or credit?" The man continues talking and asks me what I think about the Grand Jury's decision in Ferguson. At that point I am thankful I can honestly say I have purposely remained ignorant on that current event. Yes, I know it was about excesive force by law enforcement, but the remainder of the case I have remained out of the loop on. That is one news quiz I am happy to fail tonight as I could answer that I hadn't been following the story and couldn't answer the question.

We walk out of the store and I hand him the bag of chips and speed up to hand the other guy the sausage. "Only one?" he questions. "I'll take one." I then head toward my car, wanting to get in as soon as possible. "I love you brother," the second man shouted as I opened the door. "Likewise," I yell back.

Now, safely at home I am left to ponder...did I do the right thing(s)?

• I've been reading a book, "How to help the poor without hurting them or yourself." One of the main points it makes is that by simply giving 'handouts' we are actually making things worse for them and even ourselves. Instead we should work alongside them, building relations and helping them grow to be self-sufficient. What kind of harm might my buying the food have caused?
• Matthew 5:40, 42 says, "And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well...Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you." Should I have immediately taken my jacket off and given it to him? What might God have done if I had?
• Was my fear/nervousness obvious? When the second person approached and stood behind me, I have to admit my thoughts were going toward, "I really hope I don't get stabbed/robbed." And having these thoughts made me wonder, "Am I being judegemental?" Forgive me.

Winter Masterpiece

I'm not much of a morning person, nor am I much of a cold and icy weather person but I have to say the drive to work this morning was a treat. The sun had risen to my right but it was still early enough it cast a grayish pink hue in the clouds ahead of me. The evergreens and bare trees all frozen over sparkled in the sunlight. It was like the scene straight out of a painting. It was one of those times I really wished I could pull over and take a picture. Of course, my good camera was at home. But that made me think even more about the "painter."

Many artists look at a picture or a subject and paint what they see. But either way they are painting the second or third version of it at minimum because God was the original author. He is the one who created it all from nothing. He is the best artist in the world.

"For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen,being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse." Romans 1:20

Welcome 2013

Last year when I made my new years resolutions, I decided to do something different. Since generally I and a lot of other people are bad about starting out well but not ending so well, I set my resolutions to the opposite of what I really wanted to do. Instead of losing 10 pounds, I set it to gain 10 pounds. I would either do what I really wanted or at least keep the resolution, so I thought about doing the same this year. In fact, last year, I did lose about 20 pounds. The only problem is, once I came back to the United States, I gained the 20 plus an extra 20 back. So maybe that isn't such a good idea. Instead, I am choosing to go with the traditional route this year. I have set three major goals for this year and now I am blogging about them for accountability. The first goal is the most important of the three -- so important that it is the only way I will succeed in the other two goals.

1. Actively seek a stronger relationship with God through Jesus
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Phil. 4:13). This year I want to put on the full armor of God. I want to have a strong relationship with him. Throughout my Christian life, I have been on a roller coaster ride. When I was first saved in high school, it started out well -- I was "on fire" for God. But when I went to college and left my youth group, it got even bumpier. After leaving behind some of the friends I made in college with which I could talk to about spiritual matters and study the bible together, etc., it has been mostly a down hill ride. Its time to turn around. This will be my hardest resolution -- going up hill is always harder than coasting down -- but it will be well worth it. It will be the only way I will be able to succeed in any of my other goals.

I don't think I have prayed consistently since college -- before bed, before meals, etc. I haven't really prayed before meals much at all since freshman year of college. And I don't really know when prayers at night ceased. I downloaded a bible app for my phone this summer and began listening to several chapters per day on my drive to work. But it isn't enough. And then there is the trust factor. So some of my plans are:

• Reorganizing my bedroom to provide space for a desk.
• A location to study my bible, and use a desktop computer with no internet connection for a study log and/or prayer journal.
• Make it a habit to pray throughout the day, whether long or short prayers. Prayer without ceasing.
• Attend church regularly; stop making excuses such as "I didn't get much sleep last night."

2. Be more outgoing

This will be another very difficult goal. I am shy by nature. I don't really make small talk very well, especially with people I don't already share some kind of connection with. I want to be able to talk to people I don't know, more often. Sometimes this little bit of interaction can make their day (see my previous blog post). I'm not really sure how to plan for this one other than pray, pray, pray and trust in God. I think this will also apply to sharing my faith.

3. Live healthier

Rather than simply state that I want to lose weight, I want to take it a step further. I want to exercise more. I want to eat healthier. I want to build my endurance. I love the outdoors but my physical state doesn't allow me to do a lot of things that I think would be a ton of fun. My fear of heights aside, I can't climb because I don't have the upper body strength required. I am out of breath after climbing 3 flights of stairs. I would like to go on a 100+ mile backpacking trip within the next year or two but don't think I have the endurance to make it. I would love to have a multi-night canoe trip down a river/survival trip camping off of the bare minimums (emergency food for backup, catching most food, etc.). So here some some of the plans to help meet this goal:

• Eat small portions of each meal so that when I go back for seconds (as I am sure it will), I will not be overeating
• Develop a schedule of certain physical activities for each week along with a backup plan if there is some kind of unexpected event such as rain
• Develop more self-control -- don't feed the sweet tooth. 
• Force myself to jog and to keep running even when it hurts to build endurance

So there you have it, my three goals for 2013. They won't be easy goals to meet. And the last two will be impossible without succeeding in number one. If you are reading this blog feel free to hold me accountable and ask me about these goals and any progress. I am going to attempt to blog about my progress on some of these throughout the new year as well. Have a wonderful and safe 2013.

Guardian Angel

Two times in less than 72 hours, I have narrowly escaped nasty accidents. Both times, if I were alone in the car, I probably would have been dead or in a hospital. But I wasn't alone, I'm sure of it.

The first time was Friday evening after I got off work. I needed to fill my car up with gas before going to Jonesboro the following morning. The best way for me to get gas is taking exit 7 for Pratt Road off of I-530. It had rained some that day and the road was damp and oily. The exit is short and involves a very sharp turn. Of course, I was going 70 when I hit the off ramp. I tried to slow down but began to hydroplane. "I'm about to crash and it is going to be ugly," I thought to myself as I let off the break and tried to gently turn into the curve so that I would be on the inside. I felt the back end sliding. I made it around the curve and stopped by he end of the ramp. But I knew that I was about to go flying off the road at 50+ miles per hour and into a tree.

The next one happened this evening. I didn't have any problems going to Jonesboro, but the trouble was on the way home. For some reason, there always seems to be a wreck around the I-40/I-30 interchange. Tonight was no difference. I had to speed up to 70 to get into the lane I needed, as a car was letting me in, even though they were speeding. Probably 20 seconds later, everyone was slamming on their breaks, including me. I wasn't slamming hard enough and swerved into the far left lane, narrowly missing the car in front of my by mere inches. That would have probably been at 50+ mph as well and been a multiple car pile up.

Those stories said, I am very thankful to have avoided both accidents and firmly believe I was not alone in the car.

Goals

Some days of the diet are better than others. Yesterday I went over my recommended calorie intake, but today I was actually under my limit and walked for an hour and 15 minutes. After watching my calories so closely today and then putting in that time for exercise, it got me to thinking about Paul.

Paul often used sports analogies when he wrote. One verse I remember in that regard is about running a race, keeping your eyes on the finish and not being disqualified. Today as I walked, I kept pushing myself to go further and to keep up a steady pace. I would set goals and when I reached those goals I would set another one ahead of me. All of those small goals still had the ultimate goal of making it all the way to the highway before turning around. And after I got there I made goals to keep my pace up and average at least 4 miles per hour overall; I also wanted to see how far I could get before my mom picked me up in the car on her way back from town. I ended up making it all the way back home, a little over 4.5 miles and hour and fifteen minutes later.

Then, since I was still below my calorie limit for the day and had exercised, I allowed myself to have some of my favorite type of ice cream. It wasn't very good. After all that hard work, my favorite kind of ice cream didn't matter much. I knew that I couldn't have much of it and just knowing that I think made it not nearly as enjoyable.

So back to the bible. A spiritual diet is probably a good idea too. Pursuing the relationship with God, through Christ -- reading my bible, praying, spending time in fellowship with other believers -- while avoiding the things that aren't good for me, that is. Sometimes things aren't inherently bad in moderation but there is a point we have to stop. Similar to not eating too much and exercising. So in addition to my health diet, I want to go on a spiritual one. Two diets at once. It will be well worth it.

And here are my goals to look forward to:

1) I will physically look better.
2) If our bodies are the temple for the Holy Spirit, I need to take better care of it.
3) If I start now, maybe the doctor won't make me go on a strict diet
4) I want to do a lot of outdoor adventures that I physically can't do right now. I want to get in shape and build endurance.

Writing Prompt: Religious Beliefs

I haven't had a whole lot to write about lately and have been running out of ideas. So if you have any crazy, off-the -wall question or prompt, feel free to comment and maybe I will use your idea to write something true or do a little bit of creative writing. For this post, I have chosen the following prompt: What are your religious beliefs? Have they changed, or have they always stayed the same?

So first, what are my religious beliefs? I believe that we are all sinners. None of us are righteous in God's sight. "Oh, I am a pretty good person," I guess I could say, but that would be speaking in human terms. "There is none righteous, no not even one (Romans 3:10); All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6)" 

I believe every person has eternal life. I believe we have the free will to choose where we will spend our life when we pass from this world, but we can't get to one of those locations without help. Because of our sin, we are bound for one location, similar to a criminal on trial is bound for jail if he cannot pay for his fine. But God loved us so much that he was willing to pay the fine, the cost, of sin for us. I believe that he sent his son Jesus, who lived a perfect life, to die for our sins, my sins, on the cross. Thats it. He died in my place and my faith is in him. Nothing I do can add to or take away from that. Jesus is the only way to heaven."For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith -- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God -- not by works, so that no one can boast (Ephesians 2:8-9)"

I believed all of what I just mentioned even when I was younger, but I didn't really put my faith in Christ until many years later, when I was about 17 or 18 years old. I guess it kind of clicked when the preacher delivered a message about a drowning person having to grab hold of a flotation device for it to do any good. Another example is actually wearing a parachute when being warned a plane is going to crash.

So the next question, have my beliefs changed? Well, not really. God continues to speak to me in new ways and tells me new things when I allow him. Thats the thing though, I need to pray more and I need to read my bible more. And I am working on that, along with a previously mentioned diet. I am thankful for a bible app I found that has a bible in a year reading plan and audio to go with it. So I get to listen to it in my car on my way to work each morning.

Faith is a journey. And as Paul wrote, I want to run a good race and not be disqualified. I don't know exactly where God will lead me or take me, but I trust that he will do what is best for me, even if I don't realize or think it is at the time.

Faith and Prayer

What is this blog? Well I'm not really sure. A prayer. A confession. A statement. A mixture of all of them? Most of all it's just something on my mind.

Traveling the world is an adventure but living life is the greatest adventure of all. Each and every day is something new. Every day is different, even if only in the smallest details. It is a gift from God. In that daily adventure, for me, faith  seems to be like the highest, fastest, loopiest, twistiest roller coaster, without anything but gravity holding me in. (OK, maybe I just made some words and a hyperbole but trying to live life by faith is a huge adventure.)

That being said, I was browsing through some quotes by one of my favorite authors, C.S. Lewis, and found several thought-provoking statements that he made which eventually led me to other quotes by other famous authors and leaders.

The safest road to hell is the gradual one - the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts. - C.S. Lewis

I almost missed this quote. I read it quickly and was on to the next quote before I stopped myself, went back and reread it slowly and gave it a little more thought.  After a little thought it brought me to the journey and adventure of faith. I began thinking about how often we want life to be easy. When things get hard, it is easier to desire they get easy again rather than using God's greater strength to get through whatever situation.

When I first came to Spain, I almost left four days in to my stay. Things were hard. I could barely speak the language after studying it for three years or more if you consider the time I spent in high school. I lost 15 pounds in a week because I couldn't figure out when I could actually eat lunch and dinner in this culture. My first trip to the market was a disaster, unable to find much of anything but bread and cornflakes. I wanted to go back to the easy life I knew in the United States. But God had something else in mind and when I bought my airline ticket home it was rejected by my bank because it was too expensive. So five months later, here I am in Spain. And I am speaking Spanish better than ever, not to mention actually finding food in the markets.

During the first few months I really had to rely on faith. I didn't know much of anyone. I didn't know where I was. I was constantly lost when I left my apartment. When I went to church on Sunday evenings, I had to walk 45 minutes each direction. But after a few months, things got easier. I began to speak better. I began to learn my way around the city. I began to rely on myself again. The routine and familiarities had set in.

So back to the quote. That path with a gentle slope, soft footing, no sudden turns, etc, is easy. In reality we have so much to be thankful for. When we are walking without trials we should be thankful for God's guidance. But when we face trials, temptations and other difficulties we should also remember to be thankful for those times as well. Through faith and navigating with God's strength, they are bearable and will eventually draw us closer to Him if we let him work.

An important step in all of this faith is prayer which is where I think my confession part of this blog really comes in. Prayer is an area where I am very weak. With eyes closed it is very easy to drift off to sleep or at least into daydreaming and not having my heart into it. And without prayer living by faith is impossible.

“To be a Christian without prayer is no more possible than to be alive without breathing.” -  Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

The bible says we should pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17). Of course going along with faith it is important to ask for guidance and help, but praise and worship and adoration are also important. Thanking God for what he has done, what he has provided (such as the aforementioned trials) and thanking Him for who He is are all just as important and maybe more important. For me I find myself praying only when I really need something. And even then its maybe a sentence or two, after all, I don't want to fall asleep.

Life is so much better with a good prayer life. On the uphill slopes of that roller coaster, I would often start my day reading God's word and praying. Those days went by much smoother. Not to say that there weren't any problems, but when those problems arose they didn't seem so bad. They were in perspective.

But as I fall back into the normal, everyday life, living on my own, prayer becomes a thing of my past. I don't have the time. That is such a lie. All I have is time. Most of the time, I am bored. Yet, I am not going to the Word. I am not getting on my knees. Even if I were really busy, that still isn't much of an excuse. I am reminded of a few times that Jesus prayed.

Mark 1:35: "Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed (NIV)."

Luke 6:12 "One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God (NIV)."

Jesus made time to pray. It was a priority to speak to his Father. Not only did Jesus get up early, he got up VERY early, to pray. I am lucky to get myself out of bed to be at work at 9:30 in the morning, much less getting up while it was still dark. In the second instance above Jesus spent the night praying. As I said, after five minutes of prayer I tend to be off in my own thoughts, no longer in communion with God. It is kind of like me reading, when I come across a word that triggers another thought, I am gone. I may read three pages only to realize I have no clue what happened.  In both instances he was in a solitary place, by himself, without distractions.

I really want to improve in my prayer life -- not only with the prayer but also quiet time in general. I want to spend more time reading God's word. I want to listen. I want to walk by faith, not by my own understanding. I want to continue on this journey and hopefully there will be more uphill slopes on the roller coaster. I don't want it to level out; I want to keep growing in my faith. And although I know there will be downhill portions inevitably, I want to see more and more uphill slopes, growing in my faith and growing closer to God through Christ.

But what if my prayers aren't answered? Here is one more quote to ponder.

All prayers are answered if we are willing to admit sometimes the answer is "no."- Unknown

I realize that not everyone will agree with this. Please be respectful, but I look forward to your comments. What do you think about these quotes? What do you agree with? Disagree with? Why?

Looking back

Spain hasn't only been about learning the language and culture. I have been learning so much more in the past month and a half, living abroad.

First, I have learned how hard-working teachers are. At first glance, teaching doesn't seem like it is that big of a deal. But looking deeper, that is completely wrong. I've agreed that teachers are underpaid-- without them no other profession would be around. I work with 60 students in the bilingual program. In addition to teaching English, I also have to evaluate them. That means learning names and learning to remember certain aspects to write down later. Both of these are weakneses for me. I am horrible at names and I am horrible at memorizing things.

Something else I have been forced into is not being such a picky eater. There are still things I do not like and will not eat. But other things, the ones where I didn't like them and didn't eat unless I had no choice, I am eating. I don't know how many salads I have endured in Europe. At the store today I bought a different kind of ham. It was unsliced, and honestly, i think it was ground and then packaged in a box to make the mold. It is kind of a square but it cost the same as lunchmeat and there is a lot more meat. So I bought it instead. It doesn't taste quite as good but it will make do for sandwhiches and will be easier to cook with if I decide to do so. Maybe that is why my parents liked to get whole hams-- they're less expensive.

One of the biggest things and probably most important things I have been learning and continue to learn is to be content. I have to remind myself each day (which I often fail to do) not to worry about the next day.

When I first came to Spain, I wasn't sure if I was really supposed to be here or not. I lost almost 15 pounds in my first four days here. I barely ate. I barely spoke the language, much less understand it. I failed at first, getting a phone. I went back to my room. I failed at finding the store I was looking for, walked a huge circle, and went back to my room. My first Monday in Huelva, I went to apply for my residence card and thought I had failed at that. So I went home, packed up my suitcase and bought a plane ticket home.


But that isn't what God had in store. My bus wouldn't leave for another five hours. That was time enough for my debit card to be rejected twice because of the ticket price. It was also time for my roomate to be back for lunch and convince me to stay. I called the company I was using to book the flight and they told me the reason my card was rejected and told me I needed to call my bank. I didn't call the bank. So basically God kept me in Spain. I finally knew he wanted me here, but still wasn't sure why.

The following Sunday I found the only protestant, evangelical church I know of anywhere near here. I had searched several times before for a church in the area and had no luck. But this time the website came right up in the search. I wrote an email and the pastor quickly responded. Later in the week, after attending the service Sunday evening, a pastor from Sevilla called me. (Our church is funded by a church in Sevilla.) He was an English teacher from the United States and he told me they had been praying for someone who might be able to help with English.

About a week later I had lunch with the pastor and his wife. Later he showed me the new church building (a 15 minute walk instead of 50 minutes) and we talked about the possibility of either an English class or a small group in English. He told me we would talk more when I came back from England.

While in England I lost my passport. I didn't know if I would be able to come back to Spain. I am still working to figure out what I have to do about residence, as my visa was in the old passport. Luckily I have a photocopy of my old passport, the visa, and I have already applied for residence. The pastor and I talked more after lunch this past Thursday. I will be teaching an English class and small group on Thursday evening from about 6-9 p.m. I am both nervous and excited as I wait to see what God will do. When I know more I will write more about that.

Another important lesson has been simply in global citizenship. As Americans we get really wrapped up in our own culture and society. We think we are the only people out there. I have discovered an entire new world. The church I am attending has a very large population from Brasil; in fact the pastor is a missionary from Brasil. I have heard many languages while traveling in Spain.

Finally, as a reflect on the past month and a half, I really see some change. I feel like my Spanish has improved a lot. I am able to communicate much better. I am picking up a little vocabulary here and there. Most of it I do not retain, but some of the repeated words I eventually pick up. I remember being so lost in my first week in Huelva. Admittedly, I still occasionally get lost if I am walking by an unfamiliar route. But because the city is a big circle, I can generally find my way to someplace familiar and from there navigate to where I want to go.

Returning Home

I had a great weekend. I went to Jonesboro and spent it with my girlfriend. I got to see her and some other friends while I was there. Friday night I was exhausted and went to bed fairly early (11 p.m. or so). The next morning my body kept telling me to get up at 7 a.m., but I ignored it. Saturday afternoon Asuka and I went to the mall to shop for her a new phone. We ran into Johannes. Later, Asuka and I cooked. The two of us and three other friends had dinner together, had some drinks and sang some karaoke.

Sunday, Asuka and I went to lunch at a Mexican restaraunt then to the park for a little bit. Then it was time for me to leave. It was not any easier this time than it was the first time. I feel for my friends who have to leave girlfriends in another country. Asuka and I are only three hours apart, for now. I hate not being able to see her more than two weekends each month. Yet that is a lot. It is hard to leave.

On the drive home I was thinking and praying. Then a thought came to my mind. When we aren't seeking God--when we are going a different direction, away from him--it is like my situation. If it huts me so much when she and I are having to part ways for a few weeks, can you imagine what it is like when we turn our backs for just an hour from God? The same God that created us in his own image to worship and praise him. The same God that loved us so much he sent his son to die on the cross for us. I am sure the pain is far worse than mine.

"Fishing" (for people) Trip

¹⁸As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. ¹⁹"Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." ²⁰At once they left their nets and followed him. ~ (Matthew 18-20, NIV, Bible Gateway)

We are called to be fishers of men. In Matthew 28, known as the great commission, he tells us to go and make DISCIPLES in all the nations. He is with us everywhere we go. It wasn't a suggestion. It was a command.

This command is part of the reason I am still at Arkansas State University. My freshman year I wanted to go home. I wanted to quit. Then I met a group of Christian friends who were also trying to answer that call. I got involved with them and one of the opportunities gave us were these "fishing trips."

That is how I met the group. Two of them came up to me in the cafeteria and began to witness. I had heard it before and knew where they had learned the style from. And in the future, I would be out there with them.

I know God doesn't need us. He could make everyone know the truth, he could take away our free will, but he doesn't. He CHOOSES to use us. He chooses to speak through humans. How great of an honor is that that he chooses to speak through us, sinners, who also have to be saved through the blood of Christ!

We met all sorts of people today. Aaron and I went to tailgate city before the football game to talk to people. The first man that I talked to was saved. Not only did he know the gospel, he told it to me and then he turned back to me and asked me if I knew where I would go when I die :). This was the first person we talked to today and it was encouraging. The second was a group of two guys and Aaron talked to them. He used the same tract as I did, the survey with trick questions. After a few silly questions it was time for the serious questions; they had heard the gospel before. There seemed to be some conviction when you looked at their faces and listened to their voices.

The next person was an older lady. I asked her a few questions and then moved to the serious ones. She said you got to heaven by doing good things. Aaron asked her if everyone went to heaven. She said she never really thought about it. And then I told her the bible says works can't save us and she responded about Jesus. I know know if she believes or not.

After we talked to her we went in prayed. After praying we got up and started again. We started using the million dollar bill and asking "Have you heard the million dollar question?" We were able to talk to one member of the Methodist church. After that we went to the student side of Tailgate city and I talked to what appeared to be a family. I went through the gospel with them and they had heard it before. Again, I don't know what they believe and they are not involved with any churches or anything.

I think my favorite was with an alumni behind the stadium. He and his wife were here for the game and he knew the gospel as well and was saved. He was from Helena and we actually had a conversation about changes. He talked about how Satan had gotten a foothold here and there was a lot more violence and drugs on the campus that when he was a student. One of my teacher's family members plays the piano where someone in his family goes to church. It is a small world!

In total I think we talked to 8 people and/or groups of people. Afterward we went to the cafeteria and ate with two other friends. One I don't know what he believes. The other is Catholic. We were able to discuss religion and different beliefs as well as international and domestic policies. It was a very educational lunch.

I also had the opportunity to witness to one of my good friends last night, and pray for some others. God is moving and I can't wait to see what else he will do on this campus and in this community and in my life.

Graduation Preparation

I’ve been having a rough time this semester. Emotionally I have been pretty low lately and there are several reasons why, I think. One is I am having to spend so much time in the library studying for all of my Spanish that I very rarely see my friends. The other is that I am supposed to graduate in May.

I don’t regret double majoring in Spanish. I think it is a good decision and will open doors down the road. The thing is, I am a slow reader in English. When I have to switch over and read in Spanish it takes me hours to get through a page or two. Most of the time I have to study alone to get anything done. Other times I study with a friend and classmate who pushes me to work harder, but it is still too much time in the library.

 I don’t mind spending time with my friends in the library, but I miss when I was able to hang out with more than one person there. And I really miss being able to hang out outside of the library. I fear I may lose some friends this semester because I am never around. I miss going to the park. I miss hanging out every night on the weekend. I miss those late night McDonald’s runs. I miss the occasional eating out. I miss movie nights. I miss sitting around the dinner table for an hour and a half.

Then there is the graduation thing. Most people look forward to graduation. They look forward to being done with school and getting started in the “real world.” But I see it a little differently. Don’t get me wrong, I am ready to be done with my studying, but I also see the positive side. I am off on the weekends. I get holidays. I make a lot of friends. And when I graduate I see what I am going to lose. I won’t be able to take classes with my friends anymore. I won’t see my friends very much because we will live in different places, eat in different places and generally be doing other things. Or worse, I will have to move off to find a job. There may not be any opportunities in Jonesboro.

Even if I do stay in Jonesboro to start out, a lot of my friends who are also graduating will move away. The friends who are still in school will eventually graduate and most of them will also move. Many of my friends I fear I will never see again because once they graduate they will probably be on the other side of the world in Africa, Asia, and Europe. I will miss them. I try to tell myself that thanks to technology we will stay in contact, but it doesn’t help. I know from experience that when we go separate ways we begin to lose contact, even with our closest friends. Thinking about not seeing my friends again hurts.

What hurts more is thinking about how many do not know Christ and who I won’t even get to see in heaven. I know the most important thing in the friendship is to share the gospel with them so that they might believe; and pray for them. I want to see them know Jesus.

We are all sinners. There is no one reading this that can say they are not a sinner. Just taking the ten commandments and what Jesus said, I don’t think I’ve kept a single one of them. I have borrowed and not returned (stolen); I have looked at a girl with lust (adultery); I have lied; I have hated (murder), and the list goes on. All it takes to be separated from God is one sin. He is the great, fair, judge. A just judge wouldn’t let someone off the hook when they used the excuse, “I only did it once.” They do the crime, they do the crime.

But God loves us. He wants us to be with him. None of us have done anything that is too bad for him to forgive, through Jesus. He sent him, he lived a perfect life. He was tempted just like any other human, and then sentenced to die on the cross. He died for OUR sins. After they took him of the cross he was in the grave for three days before he was raised from the dead. He conquered death. He died and he rose again! Through faith in Jesus, we too will be raised. We will have eternal life with God, which is good. Being separated from God would be torture enough, the other stuff of Hell I don’t even want to think about. But Jesus paid the price so we didn’t have to. The world needs to know this.

This morning, God showed me another reason why I felt the way I do. He is preparing me. I keep saying that I don’t know what I will do when I graduate. I say I would like to stay in Jonesboro to work for a while so that I can stay where I actually know people. I don’t want to leave and go somewhere I don’t know anyone. But I also have an opportunity to apply to go to Spain for a few years and help teach English, which is only available right after I graduate. I want to do this. Then there is graduate school, seminary and/or working somewhere outside of Jonesboro and maybe Arkansas. I don’t know what to do.

Well, this morning at church God spoke to my heart. Several missionaries from our church that had returned from the field shared their testimony about what God was doing. The first told us about spending two years in the Journeyman program. (I need to look into that a little more.) She was in France for those two years; sometimes there were teams, other times they tried to build relations with those in the area.

That is when God starting bringing some other scriptures to my mind. He reminded me of those who wanted to go back to bury their family member first to which Jesus responded, “Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God,” (Luke 9:60 NIV).  He also reminded me of the man who wanted to say by to his family. “Jesus replied, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.” When I gave him my life, I was giving him my entire life. My life is no longer my own. That means if he calls me to go to a far-off country where I don’t know anyone; I don’t know the culture; I don’t know the language—I am supposed to go. He will go with me. The question is not an if he sends me; it is a where will he send me.

I began studying Spanish so I could use it in missions. It opens up Spain, Central and South America as places I can communicate. But I am willing to go wherever. Through my time at ASU God has placed a lot of East-Asians in my life. We have become friends and I have had the opportunity to get the gospel in many of their hands. There are other opportunities I have missed. But God has really put them on my heart. I wonder if he is not only preparing me to leave all of the familiarity but maybe even calling me to China or Japan.

I will be honest: the thought of going to be a long-term missionary in China, a communist country, scares me. Japan scares me simply because of being a different culture and language. But should I start trying to learn those languages from friends right here at ASU? Which one? God definitely showed me that he is preparing me to leave my friends and my family this morning. I don’t know how. I don’t know where. But I want to do it, filled with joy. Life is a journey. Life is an adventure. It is a good thing that I am not supposed to be the pilot.

Please pray for me that God would ease the stress some and that I could enjoy the friendships while we are right here together. Pray that he would give me the opportunities (and that I would take the opportunities) to share the gospel with them. Please pray that God would tear down the walls in their hearts and that he would grow the seeds. Please pray for me, that God would show me exactly where he wants me to go, when, how and all of that good stuff.

God bless.

Faith (part 2)

(If you have not seen yesterday's post you can view it here)

Starting college was a very difficult thing for me. It meant living on my own for the first time. It meant leaving my support group at church. It meant leaving all of my friends behind. Those were hard things to do, especially with my timid personality. I had a lot of obstacles thrown at me that first year.

Struggles that I had, became even bigger. I began trying new churches my first Sunday. Again I ran into the issue of finding a church that fit me. I rarely went half of the time because I was frustrated. It took until the end of my sophomore year to find a church I could call home.

I made friends fairly quickly at school. Some were Christians and some weren't. I did my best to try and keep from slipping. Some of the problems I had in high school were past. I had a fresh start. I didn't have to be involved with coarse joking which was a big struggle in high school. It worked for a while. I even had a friend that when I would get involved threw stuff at me. Most of the time I would get up and leave.

But I was not plugged in. I went to the Baptist Collegiate Ministry occasionally. I went to family groups on Monday nights regularly. When I could, I went to TNT. But again, actually going to church was few and far between. I wasn't really growing all that much spiritually. I felt like I had walked backwards. During a few of the breaks I would sit in with the youth group at my "home church" in Conway.

In short I absolutely hated college. I didn't want to go there. I wanted to go home. It wasn't until second semester that things began to change. Around February or March some people came to the cafeteria table where I was sitting with a group of friends. God sent them there. They proceeded to ask us a trick question, one I knew the answer to because I had done it before. They were using tracts from a ministry I was familiar with. I pulled out one of my own and gave to them. They invited me to a student led, non-sponsored, non-denominational bible study group whose sole intention was to reach out to the lost.

I decided to go. That semester I went sporadically. It wasn't always a regular thing, but it was better than nothing. The following year, my sophomore year I made some new friends. I continued to attend the bible study and more regularly. Eventually I told a friend about it who also came.

As I attended more and more relationships grew within the group. Finally during my junior year I considered them close friends. These were my brothers and sisters in Christ. I felt a love and trust in that group. The focus has gradually changed in the group. We are still all about evangelism but it has transformed into a different aspect. It is lifestyle yet intentional evangelism. We still invite non-Christians to come. We won't tell them to leave. But that is no longer the focus. The group transformed into one for Christians to come together and go out to our non-Christian friends to share the gospel. Non-Christians feel awkward attending, much like they might at church, so though the door is always open, we no longer ask people to come to learn more. We try to do that in our own relationships with them.

Some of the new things we do are things like Ultimate and Soccer. We get a crowd of people to play a game and then get contact information and build relationships with them. It then gives us an opportunity to share the gospel with them.

Along with the new focus, we became a closer group. Often we split off into guy and girls. That gave us opportunities to talk about what we were going through as men and women, apart from the other sex. Again this helped us build trust and strengthen our relations. I had a major issue just this past year that without the support of one of my Christian brothers in that group could have ended very badly.

Also in January I made a decision to become a member of Highland Drive Baptist Church. That is yet another decision I have no regrets on. Whether I really consider myself a Baptist or not, it is theologically sound. Yes, there will be things I disagree on. If there weren't there would be something wrong there. If a person agrees with everything a preacher says, they probably aren't reading the Bible and spending any time on their own with the Lord. But I have a church home. 

Some things come at the end of ever semester though. Bad things in a sense: break!

During the summer the support network is not built up. We all go our separate ways and do not have the accountability. That is something that I need to work on in my life. I need to be able to hold my own, without other Christians around. That is not to downplay the importance of having a network of Christian brothers and sisters. Fellowship will always be important.

Faith

Going to college is one of the most trying times for a Christian. It is often the time students leave their parents and begin life on their own. College throws temptations out there: drugs, alcohol, etc. It throws the temptations of not doing things out as well. The decision whether to attend church or not is in the student's hands. It is at this time that most make their faith their own.

I was "saved" during high school. I grew up in the church to some degree. I did not attend regularly, but I did go to Sunday School at my grandparents church every now and then. After my sixth grade year my parents and I moved to Conway.

All of this time I knew about God. I did not deny his existence. I believed in heaven, I believed in hell. I even had a desire to know more, and even go to church. But during middle school when one of my friends asked me to go to church with him I kept making excuses. I was nervous about the dress and things like that on a Wednesday night. I had never been before.

 

Finally, my ninth grade year, he convinced me to go. It wasn't bad. It wasn't what I expected. I liked it. So I started going to youth group on Wednesday nights. Eventually I started going to Sunday morning services. That lasted maybe 6 months or so. Then the youth pastor left to start another church. I stuck around a little while, but without a new youth pastor, ended up leaving the church to try and find another.

I was never able to find one quite right for me. My eleventh grade year, some of my friends that still went to that church told me they had a new youth pastor. I went back and again loved the group. I stuck around again. And I am so glad I did.

In the youth group we talked a lot about missions. I began to feel a tug on my heart in that direction, but I knew I had to get some stuff straightened out first. I knew that I did not know enough about the bible. I began to realize the reason I had some of the depressed feelings was because of sin in my life.

One Sunday morning the pastor used an analogy to describe our relationship with Christ. He said that Salvation was like a life preserver. A person could fall overboard on a ship and a shipmate might throw a preserver. The victim can know all day long it will keep him afloat, but unless he actually makes an effort and grabs hold he is drowning. I hadn't grabbed hold of Christ yet. I was in that stage of just knowing facts about him. It was time to grab hold.

I was saved during my senior year of high school, after calling myself a Christian my entire life. And there were so many times before then that I should have died. One of the things that will forever stick in my mind happened one November (or December) during what must have been my eighth or ninth grade year. We were preparing to go hunting so my Dad sent me upstairs to pack the guns. One of them was a .22 revolver.

I wanted to make sure it wasn't loaded so being a stupid kid I cocked the gun. I had it pointed in every direction, including my face. I tried to see inside the revolver whether it was loaded but could not tell. I eventually pointed it forward, away from me, the ceiling and the floor and pulled the trigger. It fired.

That is just one story where I should have died. But God had other plans. In the summer of 2007 I went on my first mission trip. I made another decision after returning. On August 5, 2007 I was baptized. A few weeks later I embarked on a new journey: college.

to be continued... (Part 2, tomorrow)

Campus Ministries

Tonight I went to the BCM. Every Thursday night we have TNT (Thursday Nights Together) from 6:15 until 7:30. Tonight we had special guests. The United Gospel Choir came and worshiped with us and also performed.

It was an amazing night of worship. The band played, the choir sang and Arliss delivered another message in the series. Tonight's was Pivotal Circumstances. The brief part of the definition I copied down of what those are is as follows: Time or circumstances that directs who you are. They can be good or bad circumstances.

It was a little ironic actually that this was the sermon. This past week God has been using some issues to teach me a lesson. I received two emails from people I know fairly well and I basically felt like I was being stabbed in the back. It angered me. The first one came on Sunday. I prayed for help in forgiveness. And the next day I was calm and over it. God was telling me something, I knew it. I concluded it was this: Each time I sin, it is like I am stabbing HIM in the back. Yet every time, he forgives me. Not only that, but there are more than 5 billion people in the world that he has to feel that from.

I guess my situation isn't so bad after all. Of course I went through it again on Tuesday morning. I ended up skipping another bible study then just so I could have alone time with God. It was more important for me to settle things alone with God.

The passage was James 1:2-4 which has been a recurring theme lately. Consider it pure joy in trials and temptations. It produces endurance and perseverance. God does use the bad times to teach us. It isn't a sin to be tempted, it is a sin to follow through with the temptations.

But enough about me. I would encourage you to get involved with a campus ministry. Almost all of them meet on Thursday nights. There are many to choose from: Baptist, Methodist, Catholic, Church of Christ, etc.

Ultimate and Soccer

It was a perfect night. The weather was cool, but when a person is running around, there is no need for a jacket. The field, known as the Heritage Lawn, outside the union is lit up by lamps that run the length of the field. It is a perfect night to play sports with friends.

That is just what we did yesterday evening. The planning was spur of the moment, but it still turned out great. We started planning it only on Tuesday. We didn't give people much notice, but that is how most of our events work in college. They happen when there is the random occurrence called free time.

Our bible study group is working on more way to just reach out to others during that free time. We want to build relationships and get to know people. Sports is a great way to do that, especially when playing outside the student union. A core group begins to play, and then random or not so random people walk by and either ask to join or we ask them if they would like to join.

Last night I met two new international students. We also strengthened relations among those we already knew. And we had more people than expected. We ended up having more than 14 people, while only five actually confirmed attending on Facebook! Maybe next time it should be at soccer field behind the HPESS building.